My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
