It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you win again, gameday.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
