he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
