So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
