I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize