ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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