Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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