You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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