Having a random hookup so left but love u
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
