Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
