You were right. It hurts to walk today.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
