Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
