is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
