Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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