my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
