I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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