Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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