I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
