so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
