A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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