The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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