I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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