Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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