Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
