I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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