you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
