Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
