i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
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his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
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She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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