***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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