Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
