I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
