I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
