im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
