apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
