We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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