yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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