So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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