Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
