I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
