Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
zippers are such a cool invention
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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