They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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