watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
