..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
