So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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