O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
