You can't motorboat a personality
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
