She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
