it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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