She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
