honey bunches of taint.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
