He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
