Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
