Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
