But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Semen is not good for contacts.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Randomize
