I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
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He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
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A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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