Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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