maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
