as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
