I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
