remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
