some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
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Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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