If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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