The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
