It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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