The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
