i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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