I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
nutella sex= disaster
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
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