youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
