I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
