i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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