god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
