There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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