so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
