I just cut my nipple shaving
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
