Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
