u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
