...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
