So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
