Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
