His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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