I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
