The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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