It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
