Umm I'm too high to move.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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